But I say, then get another job and leave your occupation to a hardier soul who is willing to run farther! If it's short enough for you to pump carbon monoxide into the air, it's short enough for you to run the distance! For the handicapped -- let them use racing wheelchairs! Tone up those arms! If people have to run to work and walk to the supermarket, they will appreciate their food more, burn more calories while doing so, and the nation will be fitter and slimmer. Goods and services can still be transported by rail, just like they were in the 19th century, and although this may make food transportation slower, this will simply encourage people to buy locally, which will help small businesses and hurt foreign companies.

You say -- won't this make the car industry and the fitness industry go out of business? But American car manufactures like Ford and General Motors are already going bankrupt! Think of how much better high-calorie food manufactures like McDonald's and Krispy Kreme will do -- both American companies, I must add! And since Americans will also be able to bike to work and to school, American companies like Toys R Us can sell more bikes!

This...

Yes, some people might wish a more moderate solution, like using smaller and more fuel efficient cars, cutting down on food consumption, walking and exercising more, and changing the traditional American diet to suit modern lifestyles. But I say that nothing is less American than moderation -- so eat up and lace up your sneakers! I'll race you to the nearest McDonald's!
Yours truly,

Jonathan McSwift

Works Cited

Anderson, Lessley. "Ultra Marathon Man." SF Weekly. 14 Jan 2004. 17 Apr 2007. http://www.sfweekly.com/2004-01-14/news/ultra-marathon-man/

US Obesity at an All-Time High." Medical College of Wisconsin. Article Created:

26 Nov 2002. 17 Apr 2007. http://healthlink.mcw.edu/article/1031002183.html

US Obesity at an All-Time High," Medical College of Wisconsin, Article Created: 26 Nov 2002, 17 Apr 2007, http://healthlink.mcw.edu/article/1031002183.html

Lessley Anderson, "Ultra Marathon Man," SF Weekly, 14 Jan 2004, 17 Apr 2007, p.2, http://www.sfweekly.com/2004-01-14/news/ultra-marathon-man